The view from a codependent

I make sure it’s all about pleasing you.

My normal mode is to make sure everyone else’s needs are met. I feel like a “doormat” as everyone walks all over me. It makes me angry inside. I’m always sacrificing myself. Why doesn’t anyone really notice?

I keep thinking that people will want to take care of me, too; but it seems I just can’t do enough for everyone else.

I try to keep my anger to myself.

I try hard to not show my anger and resentment. Sometimes it comes out in sarcastic comments or maybe I bang things around in the kitchen to make sure people might have a clue that I could use some help. Every now and then, I blow up. I can’t seem to ask for help.

Avoiding conflict is primary.

The main thing I want is for everyone to be happy. I crumble inside when there is any kind of conflict. After all, the way I feel inside is mostly a reflection of how the people closest to me seem to be feeling. If they are upset, I’m upset. If they’re sad, I’m sad.

I can’t say “no.”

If someone asks me to do something, even if I have something else I’d rather do, I just can’t say “no.” It would make me feel guilty or like I was a bad person. But sometimes not saying “no” is bringing me down, too, because I often don’t do things I’d really like to do.

To the rescue.

Much of my identity is built around rescuing the people I love. Unfortunately, this often puts them in a position of relying on me to fix things rather than taking responsibility for their own lives.

Since I feel so out of control, I try to control others.

Inside, I feel so nervous. It’s like there’s a wad of barbed wire rolling around in my stomach. I try to keep everyone around me in line, everything in its place, so that at least things on the outside seem to be put together.
It’s tricky because I’m usually not very assertive. I bend easily to what others want, or I try to get them to want what I want. It often drives the people around me nuts.

Might as well face it, I’m addicted to love.

When you get right down to it, I have this extreme compulsion to be in relationships and feel needed. It’s like an addiction. The relationship can be abusive and toxic, but that seems to make it more compelling. I think, “Maybe I can be the solution! Maybe I can fix them.”

I’m disappearing.

It’s not working. I disappear into relationships. I lose any sense of myself. I don’t know what I feel, because my feelings reflect those of others. I often feel worthless and miserable. I don’t deserve any better.

It’s time to find yourself.

This merry-go-round doesn’t have to continue. I have a lot of experience helping people recover from the pain of codependency. There may be many reasons that you relate to others this way – it’s what you learned from your family, you’ve suffered abuse or trauma, or you’ve struggled with addiction.

Regardless, I can help you begin the process of feeling like YOU matter.

If any of this resonates with you, I invite you to call me (512) 656-9877 for a free 20-minute consultation to find out more about how I can help you.

You can be healthy in a relationship. You’re worth it.